SNARKOTICS.com: where opinions come to overdose

After watching this video courtesy of some tripe human being, I cannot muster a reasonable response because I am so fucking appalled. I’ll try my best to keep this short and simple without going off on a heated tangent that will lead me most likely nowhere…

Oprah Winfrey is probably one of the world’s most iconic names, faces and personalities. She takes pride in being “every woman’s woman,” which females have been devouring everyday at 4PM for the last 20-some years. People have consistently joked about Oprah’s inflated behavior, and the fact that she thinks she is holier than thou, but it doesn’t stop millions from tuning in every single day… Including me. No, I’m not a housewife, nor am I brainwashed; I’m merely a 24-year-old female who enjoys the subjects discussed on the show enough to be engaged in it almost daily. When Oprah has a show on bra’s and she happens to mention her favorite brand, I do not run out and buy the same exact product. When she praises a book and coins it her newest book club choice, you definitely won’t see me at Barnes and Nobles purchasing it (I do put some of her picks in my queue, but not that very second, so yes, I do read). When Oprah has Jamie Foxx on and flirtatiously calls him “funny” and “hilarious,” I still do not think he is funny or hilarious. When she talks about all of her exercise and diet regimes, I’m most likely stuffing my face with something oozing in cholesterol whilst drinking a nice cold glass of Diet Coke (totally not Dr. Oz approved). My point is, I don’t eat Oprah’s shit up (unless of course it’s oozing in cholesterol); I don’t conform to everything she says and does because it’s OMFG, OPRAH FUCKING’ WINFREY!!!11!! In fact, most of the time I take what she says with a total grain of salt because I know her and I come from two different worlds and I am not the demographic that she primarily attempts to target (unless her episode is about food).

When Oprah has episodes devoted to religion, or beliefs derived from religious values, I tune in to see what new shenanigans people are putting themselves and God/Jesus into nowadays, but I do not tune in looking to “save and/or find” myself; I’m content with being a cultural Jew (as oppose to an über religious one), and although I dabble in spirituality and Buddhism, I am not looking to conform completely to one side of a said faith.

Oprah is very adamant about “The Secret,” while I think it’s just a huge marketing scheme to get people to buy into something that can be summed up in one word: Persistence. I don’t think that creating a “dream collage” of all of your goals and aspirations will get you any closer to them if you remain sitting on your ass watching Oprah all day. There is no “quick fix” to anything in life, unless you win the lotto (and even then it’s not much of a quick fix, since you had to go out and purchase a lottery ticket). Things come to those who have the drive and persistence to achieve and “The Secret” is consists of a bunch of people trying to convince you that buying the book and DVD will make you 1,000 steps closer to success (well, they’re wrong). Oprah can preach about “the secret” all she wants, but because I’m not buying into it, doesn’t mean that I’m going to cause a fucking raucous over it (plus, why does she even need to practice “the secret” anymore?).

Oprah’s latest belief tactic comes from her discovery of A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle; she ate Eckhart’s words up with a silver fork and knife, which resulted in millions of devoted Oprahnites eating her words (along with Eckhart’s) with even more silver utensils. It became an eating orgy of spirituality and finding ones self, and turned this self-help book into an online class, a controversy and the newest book that still remains in my “books to read” queue – That’s right, bitches! I did not run out to the store to purchase A New Earth in hopes of reading it in time for the premiere of the online class, because I wasn’t really sure if I could handle a book telling me what to do and feel when I can’t even finish my Cooking for Dummies book with a successfully prepared homemade dish. I’m a lazy fuck and know my boundaries, and this was one of them.

I don’t mind Oprah trying to better herself while bettering us as she goes along. As a matter of fact, I think that shows a lot of care and hope for the lost individuals that make up a shitload of this societies population. Just because Oprah believes that there are other things that make you religious besides loving Jesus, doesn’t mean she is wrong and is trying to taint poor helpless souls.

When Oprah said that she was turned off when she heard the pastor say that God envies our passion and devotion toward another god or ideology, I agreed whole heartedly with her decision to look elsewhere for guidance; we’re not all meant to be “under one God.” You can believe in Jesus, your friends can believe in Buddha and their friends can believe in Allah, but you know what is so wonderful about this? We can all believe in each other! (But I’m sure there is one particular religious sector that will disagree with me).

Sure, I have not read A New Earth (yet), but I can safely say fuck you to the haters without flinching, because I’m pretty sure that my lack of gullibility will prevent me from “falling into the fiery pits of Oprah’s spell” even if I do read this handbook. Just because there are people out there clinging on to every word she says — whether they are weak or just plain curious — does not mean that EVERYONE is being brainwashed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Oprah’s personal beliefs, and her effort in giving her perplexed viewers a chance to pick and choose from her thinking in order to (hopefully) help them is nothing short of innocent bountiful.

Yes, I am aware that Oprah isn’t a Saint, and she sure as hell ain’t God (…or is she?), but home girl is a giver (haven’t you seen any of her “Favorite Things” episodes?!), now shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down!