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accordingtoalannaFiled under: Celebrity News, Television | Tags: Bravo, Dallas Austin, Kim, Nene Leakes, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Sheree
I am ashamed that I am about to post ANOTHER entry regarding “the Real Housewives of Atlanta” but since last time I have had a change of heart. I can’t allow people to associate me with some of the things I wrote (because you are always thinking of my opinions on Bravo shows) so I thought, with the season ending, now would be a good time to revisit and retract some things.
Am I still Team Nene? You betcha. Nene had my heart from day one. Nene kept it real. Sure she talked shit on people, especially when drinking, but she didn’t make excuses and she didn’t back down. Was she trying to launch a ridiculous singing career? No. Was she pretending to be a fashion designer? No. She was just chillin, being Nene. And you know what? It works for her. (A bra might also work for her, but that’s a different story.)
Nene has her faults of course. When she was trying to be supportive of Kim’s music, she sang that “Tardy to the Party” song way too much. She could be a tad embarrassing when drunk, as we all saw by the look that was all over her husband, Gregg’s, face. And while Nene’s charity, Twisted Hearts, was a great charity, the big hat idea left her looking not too far off from Dumb Donald from “Fat Albert.”
Am I still Team Kim? Oh haillllll no. I knew from day one that Kim had a weave on her head and Botox in her face but I thought her lies were all physical. I didn’t realize that “Big Poppa” aka her main man, was a married man. I also didn’t realize that she was going around saying she was 29. If she’s 29 then I’m five. There is no way that woman is younger than 35. You know what, I’m feeling generous; I’ll even give her 30. But in your twenties? YOU WISH.
Moving on to Kim’s singing career… where to begin… where to begin? Oh, let’s start with YOU CAN’T SING. Why is it that rich people NEED to just put out an album just because they have money burning a hole in their pocket? Attention Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Heidi Montag and Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta: YOU CAN’T SING. You need to be able to sing to launch a singing career! Dallas Austin and Scott Storch can only do so much. I will say though a highlight of this season was when the singing coach said to Kim, “you don’t really know what you’re doing.” Thank you!
Kim likes to say how beautiful she and Sheree are. She even goes so far in one episode to call her beauty a burden. After that quote, I sort of understood what Kim meant because her existence had become quite the burden on me.
Luckily for all of us, Nene has a fine replacement for Kim. His name is Dwight and he has the most beautiful feet ever (and they are NOT a burden to him.) He also will reveal the secret to his radiance, unlike Kim whose secret is so obviously a weave and Restalin, which is to have sex 3 times a day. Beauty isn’t a burden for Dwight but back problems may be.
Will there be a second season? I’m not certain. But Bravo will deliver us an explosive reunion episode where even “Chinese-Black” Lisa will chime in and threaten to “flip Kim over the table.” *Hope Hope.* And of course we have Kim’s album to look forward to. Oh except for the fact that Dallas Austin’s blog says he is in NO WAY producing it. Hmmm… where can I download that “Tardy in the Party” joint to hold me over?
Filed under: Popculture, Television | Tags: Bravo, Christian Soriano, Evander Holyfield, Kim, Nene, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Sheree, Television
Kudos to those who are so involved in the election process this year that they make it a point to watch every debate. However, for those who skipped another q and a with the candidates last Tuesday, you may have found another person to root for. I know I did. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Nene (pronounced knee-knee.)
If you don’t know who Nene is, you better get your ass onto the couch next Tuesday night at 9pm because she is the sassiest, fiercest diva on Bravo… sorry Christian Soriano fans.
The premiere episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” did not disappoint. While the women of the Orange County may have been the most plastic and the women of New York City may have been the snobbiest, there is no doubt that the ladies of Atlanta are living the most lavish of housewife lives. From hair salons in their home to personal fashion designers, these ladies are HIGH MAITENANCE. And my main girl, Nene, is living large, looking fab and taking no shit.
I first fell in love with Nene when they flashed her name on screen and I saw her in the background snapping her fingers in a z-formation. Nene calls her son her pooh-pooh, eats fried crab cakes instead of potatoes because she cares about her bod, and likes all eyes on the most important person in the room… which is always Nene. While getting ready for a party Nene tells her make up artist “she needs her lashes poppin’, lips bustin’ and needs to look awake even though she’s drinking.” Mmmm hmmm, I always say the secret to any good outfit is looking awake.
In a true ‘love thy own self’ moment, Nene sees her reflection in the mirror shrieks with pleasure. How many women do that when they see their reflection? I have only shrieked with fear at the sight of mine. In a world filled with girls that have self-esteem issues, isn’t it nice to see a lady just loving what god gave her?
When describing what happens when she enters a room, Nene can only make the following sounds, “mmmmm, wow, and bam!” I’m sure if the cameras continued rolling on that moment there may have been “ooohs and ahhs” as well.
Nene’s bff is Kim. Kim is everything you would want in a best girlfriend. She has a ton of money thanks to her secret boyfriend, Big Poppa (Biggie? Is that you?), a great sense of fashion (partly thanks to her personal designer) and huge double-d breasts, which, in Nene’s opinion, make her a good shimmy-er. Nene squeals “oh Kim, you shimmy real good!” when she sees Kim jiggling her chest in her new $80k escalade. The best part about Kim? She’s got Nene’s back.
Like all great princess stories, there is an evil queen trying to take our heroine down. That bitch, is Sheree (pronounced Shah-ray)
Sheree is throwing the biggest party in Atlanta and only the cream of the Atlanta crop can come. She has a publicist and boxing champion, Evander Holyfield’s, daughter working for her on the party. She even personally called Nene to invite her to the party. But guess what? When the ladies get to the party, Nene isn’t on the list. Did Evander Holyfield’s daughter tell security about that error? No. Did Sheree act humble and come out to apologize to Nene? No. Was Nene pissed? Hell yeah, it’s on now.
What does the future of this season hold for Nene? One can only assume that she will continue to look fierce, work it, put bitches in their place and have all eyes on her when she walks in the room. And, if we are lucky, Kim will shimmy some more. Nene and Kim… possibly the best ticket out there this election season.
