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accordingtoalannaFiled under: Celebrity News, Popculture, Random Shit, Style, Television | Tags: boohbah, Fashion, pierre cardin
I don’t know much about fashion, well, I really don’t know anything about fashion; but I do know what a steaming pile of shit looks like.
Pierre Cardin, a French designer, who before today I have never heard of, revealed his new “ready-to-wear” collection yesterday. Now, when I read “ready-to-wear” I assume that the piece of clothing in question isn’t some haute couture dress you would only see on the runway, but something you would be able to buy at a boutique and go out in.
So explain this. No, seriously, I’m waiting. Do you know what I see when I look at this shit? Pierre Cardin is a big Boohbah fan. You know the Teletubbies’ ugly stepsister the Boohbahs? Probably not; the best way to explain these bizarre creatures is to close your eyes and imagine giant colored testicles that float in the air, and somehow produce queefing noises as they flutter through their magical atmosphere. All the while their tiny human faces are wrapped up by layers of crumpled foreskin.
This is Jumbah, the blue Boohbah. Look familiar? It should, as it’s the same fucking thing Pierre Cardin “designed.” Now maybe I’m missing something, but does a woman really want to look like a giant queefing testicle with foreskin around her delicate features? I’m sure there’s a niche market out there somewhere for deranged fetishists, but is this shit really considered “ready-to-wear”?
Pierre Cardin doesn’t stop there, he has a lot more stupid shit to bring you, and it comes with even more blatant hijacking of pop culture. Now you might be thinking, oh he’s going to make some joke about Ms. Pacman getting her period here, but you would be wrong; that would totally be funny though so I’ll save that for later. Not many people are as well versed in early 90′s mascots as I am, so I don’t blame you if you didn’t recognize this one, but it’s without a doubt Cool Spot, the now defunct 7 Up mascot. Most people don’t remember the poor guy, he was a symptom of the “cool” and “rad” phase advertisers went after Sonic the Hedgehog became such a hit.
And truly rad he was. Cool Spot was one of my heroes growing up, along with Chester Cheetah and the aforementioned Sonic. He had the awesome sunglasses, the kickass white gloves, and the awesome “I don’t give a fuck,” take charge, get laid tons by other anthropomorphic dot logos personality that I idolized. Now seriously, look at these two images, is there any fucking difference minus the gloves? They even wear the same leggings as each other, move over Lindsay, Cool Spot was the O.G. of that shit.
There’s so much more to say and show, but formatting this shit is a bitch, so I’ll make it quick.
We have the first model in a dress that looks like Cardin raided his local Gymboree, took their collapsible kiddie tunnel and spray painted it gold. I wonder if any of the kids at the show were tempted to crawl up inside the model’s uterus, that dress is pretty much an open invitation to anything motoring on all fours.
The second model seems to be stuck in her sleeping bag. Who knew awkward mornings and nights out camping were high fashion?
The third model.. Well, that’s what happens when a shark rapes the “dress” the second model is wearing.
Sources: Agenies, Valery Hache
If you’re interested you can check out more of this line here, included are an homage to Sally Field’s The Flying Nun and the terrible afters of someone who was given gastric bypass, with incredibly large amounts of sagging skin under the arms.
Filed under: Politics, Popculture, Style | Tags: bangs, Fashion, Obama, Politics, Sarah Palin
It’s everywhere you turn. On bumper stickers, scrawled across trucker hats,(OY VEY Who the fuck is still wearing trucker hats) in commercials during a television show, staring from the cover of your favorite magazine. All with one resounding message: OBAMA FASHION is sweeping our nation.
Not since JFK has a political figure been so revered and loved by (most of) the American public. And fashion, ever a source of *unique* and “understated” expression, is showing the belabored symptoms as well.
The ubiquitous Obama tee can be seen on everyone from trendy hipsters in France to the glamourous Halle and trannylicious Beyonce strolling the streets of NYC…(minus her wig of course)
Other forms of fashionable political expression are not as endearing.
Honestly.
Who decided to come up with an Obama Dance?
…. Sure, maybe somewhere somehow it will inspire some poor lost youngster to vote… but you have to wonder: especially in light of the Paris Hilton comparisons, is it hurting or helping his campaign?
How long is it before women start coming into the salon asking for the “Palin Bangs”
or the “Alaskan Highlights”? Come on!
Not to quote Bring it On or anything (yea I took it there) but…remember young voters, paraphernalia is strictly forboden at the voting booths so remember to leave your trendy Obama Canvas tote bag at home on election day.
Just settle for the one you bought from Strand.
Filed under: Lifestyle, Style | Tags: Fashion, lesportsac, purses, rant, vera bradley
I am a purse snob.
I figure I’d come out and say that now.
So of course, like any other purse snob, I have a hatred for Vera Bradley bags. If you don’t know what these bags look like, 1) good for you and 2) google if you must (I am not putting up an image on this site because I hate those bags so much). They are second most controversial fashion-item you can have in college (the first would be Crocs)
You know, there are girls out there who aren’t really purse snobs, but share my hatred for those horrible quilted bags. In fact, there are over 2,000 members of the Facebook group Grandma is that you..?.. Oh, i’m sorry that’s just a Vera Bradley bag. Still though, the Vera Bradley lovers remain the majority (there are over 3,000 members of Addicted to Vera Bradley)
I spotted my first one about two years ago. I was on the bus going to class, when I saw a girl sitting across from me with what I thought was a hideous diaper bag. I thought to myself “man, she’s too young to be a mom.” As I was walking out of the bus and walking into the building where my class was, I saw ANOTHER girl with a bag. This time, blue.
So naturally I had to figure out what was going on. I had a conversation with a friend about these bags, and found the horrible name attached to it. But I think the most jaw-dropping moment of that conversation was when she told me how expensive these bags were. I’m here thinking that these shit-bombs are about $20, so imagine my surprise when I hear that they start at $40.
So, ladies, if you want a bag that like Vera Bradley and not so…well…lame, might I suggest LeSportsac? They are cute, fashionable (Gwen Stefani and Stella McCartnety have their own lines with this company) and made of nylon (which means you can easily wash off any stains). Also, they are around the same price. And, you won’t look like an idiot.
Filed under: Popculture, Television | Tags: Bravo, Fashion, Kenley Collins, Nina Garcia, Project Runway, Tim Gunn
After five seasons of “Project Runway,” you would think that this loyal fan would be used to whiney, overly confident, stubborn brats. I don’t mind attitude, it is something that comes with fashion. Last season’s winner, Christian Soriano was filled with sass and attitude and he was great. But sass on the runway and being a brat on the runway are two completely different things, and the latter… well it’s on my last nerve. Kenley Collins is no Christian Soriano. Kenley seems like a more likely fit for “My Super Sweet 16″ than “Project Runway.” Can we exile her?
That’s not fair of me. Kenley Collins is a decent designer. She has the potential to do great work, but for the time being she is turning in average designs. Her pieces are simple, cute, and easy to wear. But they are all vintage dresses and look great on some one that dresses like… well, Kenley Collins. There is nothing innovative about her styles.
Since the show started Kenley has not yet wowed this viewer once. Even in the “Avant-garde challenge,” Kenley’s idea of avant-garde was a puffed up version of her standard vintage dress. Kenley’s ability to progress this far in the competition is solely based on the fact that other designers have faltered much worse, while Kenley continues to submit the same average pieces.
Kenley’s simple vintage dresses would not be so bad if Kenley would stop being obnoxious. To send a vintage dress down the runway during the job interview challenge is fine, to send it down the runway during the “lipstick jungle” challenge is lame. But, if she admitted fault and learned from her mistake, it wouldn’t seem so bad. Not only won’t she accept her shortcomings in challenges, but she also back talks all the judges and tells them they are wrong. You’re right, Nina Garcia doesn’t know fashion like you do. Elle Magazine is only one of the biggest fashion magazines in the world and she’s the editor.
Kenley laughs at other contestants when they do poorly, complains that she is not given enough time to do a better job (everyone is given the same amount of time) and is loud in the workroom while everybody is trying to concentrate. But the worst part of Kenley Collins, the part that will certainly not win her the fan favorite award this season, is her rude attitude towards our beloved Tim Gunn.
After five seasons of the show, I still wonder why contestants do not take Tim Gunn’s advice. In case you haven’t noticed, designers, he’s always right with his suggestions. And yet, Kenley constantly let’s his good advice fall to the wayside. More over, she asks, “what does Tim know anyway?” Well, Kenley, as a man who was randomly discovered for the show only to become the star, managed to parlay his appearances on the show into a career with Liz Claiborne and has his own show entirely, I would say he knows a bit. What store did you say you designed for again? Wal-mart? It’s time to start listening to Tim Gunn.
I’m amazed that this week’s stubbornness didn’t get Kenley sent home. This bratty vintage suburban girl actually snapped at LL Cool J that she knew what hip-hop was. That might work if you are arguing with Martha Stewart about what hip-hop is but I’m pretty sure LL knows what he’s talking about. (Actually, Martha probably knows more too. I mean she is friends with Diddy and Busta.) Twenty years of being a hip-hop artist will teach you a few things about hip-hop style.
Next week the final three for Bryant Park will be decided. While I don’t think this is the strongest season yet, I definitely think that there is talent there. Kenley Collins is not it. It’s a sad day in fashion when you actually want some one to lose the attitude.
Oh yeah and Team Karto!
