SNARKOTICS.com: where opinions come to overdose

At my home in Brooklyn, I have a 711 right down the block.  The prices aren’t as high as people have joked, the owners aren’t behind bullet-proof glass and the coffee isn’t half bad.  I admit though, I have a soft spot for 711. It’s the big gulp machine… it gets me every time.  It’s genius. Why buy a bottle or can of soda when you can have a crisp, fresh cup of fountain soda for the same price?  I’ve always adored my delicious reward for walking down the block everyday… that is… until I realized what I was missing.

They are called flavor shots and they are the greatest thing to happen to a big gulp machine since crushed ice.  With any type of cola you choose, you can press a button on the machine to add a shot of lemon, vanilla, or the new love of my life, cherry.  You can even limit the amount of flavor that gets added to your big gulp.  If you are badass, like me, and like a LOT Of cherry added to your diet Pepsi, press the cherry button the whole time the soda is pouring.  If you are a pussy, press the cherry button only when your cup is already ¾’s full.  You will have just a slight kick of cherry.

The problem is the flavor shots have not yet hit every 711.  I first stumbled upon them while on vacation.  Since then I have come across them in Chicago, Minnesota, Denver, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Long Island.  At first my guess was, they haven’t reached the tri-state area yet. Then I began to wonder if they just weren’t available in New York. But soon I realized it’s just New York City.

How are we, the greatest city in the world, deprived of a delicious shot of vanilla in our coke?  How could this be?

711 frequenters and big gulp fans everywhere, I urge you to take a good look at your big gulp machine.  Is it up to par?  Is it doing everything in its power to provide you a crisp delicious cup of soda that might come in any and every flavor?  And if not, ask yourself, why is MY 711 a joke?  Why is my 711 not taking my thirst seriously?  Am I not just as thirsty as some one in Chicago?

And if your 711 is doing everything right, do yourself a favor and pour yourself a nice big cup of soda and dammit, throw in a big, hefty stream of lemon flavoring to go with it.  Today is your lucky day.  And as you drink that delicious lemon cola, think of me, the lone party of one, sadly drinking plain cola on their way home from the 711 down the block.

Comments telling me that you leave in New York and have a 711 by you that has flavor shots are not only welcomed, but ENCOURAGED.