Filed under: Celebrity News, Music, Popculture | Tags: concert review, fearless tour, madison square garden, taylor swit
We’ve all held grudges longer than necessary. I’ve fallen victim to that more times than I can possibly imagine. I’ve forgiven, but not forgotten; I’ve gotten mad and then even; I’ve killed them with kindness; I’ve even reverted to my belief of karma as my only hope for revenge. Eventually though, I get over it and move on. Taylor Swift, on the other hand, doesn’t. Instead, she builds an entire persona, or brand, if you will, around her grudges. She calls it ‘fearless,’ but I just call it bitter (with a hint of overkill).
Taylor Swift performed at Madison Square Garden on August 27, 2009 to a sold out crowd of 20,000. The concert was part of her ‘Fearless’ tour, which has been one of the most sought-after tours for females this summer — sort of like what Lillith Fair was in the 90s, except with more shaven armpits and cowboy boots with sparkly skirts.
Despite my lack of appreciation for Taylor Swift and her music, I attended her concert in support of my friend who is a huge fan (but I won’t judge her, since I like some really questionable things myself). And believe it or not, I found myself knowing more Swift songs than I’d like to admit (when I was actually able tell them apart).
Taylor Swift definitely knows how to get girls riled up and cheer for the underdog, which in this case, are themselves. With a full back-up band and two back-up singers to boot, she sang her broken heart out for an hour and a half while reminding everyone every chance she could that boys do indeed suck.
In between each song, Taylor took a long deep breath – gazing out into the sea of estrogen – and told one of four poignant tales: the one where she was ignored by her High School crush, the one where she was cheated on by her boyfriend, the one where she burned his pictures (which I highly doubt she actually did; she probably just untagged him on Facebook), the one where he will get what he deserves, or – my favorite — the one where she still believes in fairy tales, but realizes that “prince charming isn’t as easy to find as [she] thought… and in real life, the bad guy is actually really, really cute.” (Oh, I see… Thanks for the heads up, girl.)
Ya know, it’s pretty ironic (and hard to believe) that she has been screwed over by so many guys in the past, considering she is only 19-years-old, takes pride in being wholesome and is a firm believer of fairy tales. But, at least all of this supposed heartbreak inspires her to write mediocre songs in hopes of empowering former sluts, current prudes and those who are still resentful about the one that got away… And because of Taylor Swift’s redundant rants and words of wisdom (I get it, it’s her gimmick), they now know better than to get involved with bad boys. (Or at least nice guys who happen to buy you a toaster for your birthday, as shown in “Crimes of Passion,” a sketch video that played during a set change depicting Taylor’s many male muses. It was an obvious joke, but I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.)
Swift’s stage presence was very endearing and definitely better than I predicted, but it was still quite theatrical and contrived (not like I expected any different from such a huge production). She strutted her stuff, booty popped, head-banged, fluffed her hair, batted her eyes and paused in “awe” of the crowd at the most precise times during the show. “I will remember this night for as long as I live. I will never, ever, forget what you just did for me,” she said in sheer amazement as the crowd went bananas for almost two minutes (apparently 30 seconds longer than at most of her shows – wow, weren’t we the lucky ones). I have to say though, those two minutes were awesome to witness, even if they weren’t entirely authentic – I love attending concerts at Madison Square Garden for that very reason; seeing musicians get overwhelmed with emotion standing in such a historic stadium gives even me chills.
There were two outstanding moments of the show that I would go as far as to say were my favorites of the night. One was when Taylor went into the audience (all the way up to the second mezzanine, which at MSG, is pretty high) and performed a couple of songs from that section and then moved her way down to the floor (with four bodyguards surrounding her, prepared to tackle any single white female that got in their way). It made being in such a huge arena intimate and sincere (and also hooked the people in the nosebleeds up with a pretty good view).
My second favorite moment was at the very end of ‘Should’ve Said No’ when it began to “rain” on stage with Taylor underneath it — getting soaked and wet — as the water spelled out words like “No.” (see this video for the visual.) Funny, The Jonas Brothers also make it “rain” on stage at their concerts, except with hearts engraved in the water. I hope Taylor gets the memo and bitches about it at her next show. (Oh, those heartless bad boys!)
A memorable mention: The many costume changes — The show kicked off with Taylor and her crew dressed as a High School marching band and chearleaders ala the ‘You Belong With Me’ music video and later went back in time to the Rennessaince period ala ‘Love Story.’ Even on top of the extravagant costumes, Taylor’s personal wardrobe changed a good five or six times during the duration of the concert. I felt like I was watching Sarah Jessica Parker host MTVs Movie Awards circa 2000 all over again. (Don’t get the reference? My apologies, I’ll try to be more dated next time.)
My least favorite part of the show (besides the constant reminder from Taylor Swift that she will write a song about you if you so much as break up with her in a 27 second phone call, or just not like her back) was this bizarre pseudo-drum duel between her and the violinist during the encore. The drums were designed to look like stacked garbage cans, but were completely irrelevant to not only the song they were leading up to (‘Should’ve Said No’), but the entire theme of the show. To make matters worse, they weren’t even actually drumming! They each would bang once on the drums then dramatically fall to the floor or sway their heads in slow motion while creepy background music played. (Like oh-my-god, maybe the violinist was playing the chick that TayTay’s ex cheated on her with and the garbage drums were representing like—wait, no, you lost me at garbage drums.) The light scheme during this performance was blue accompanied by clouds on the screen, signifying only what I can assume is… I have absolutely no fucking idea! If they were trying to gain street-cred with this segment, they failed. Not even Oscar the Grouch would be amused. It left me absolutely perplexed, but perhaps someone can enlighten me on its significance… anyone… anyone? Bueller?
I do want to say that I was thoroughly entertained by the entire spectacle and liked the experience of seeing the number one selling artist of 2009 live in concert. My friend — who I went to the show with — said to me afterwards, “Where was Taylor Swift when I was growing up?” And that’s when it hit me; Swift is representing bubble-gum tween angst for the Z-generation… I can only just hope these girls graduate to Fiona Apple when their broken hearts and unhappily ever after fairy tales are all grown up. But for now, I guess they’ll just have to idolize a run-of-the-mill songstress whose entire shtick is to hold miniscule grudges for the sake of selling out places like Madison Square Garden.
Filed under: Celebrity News, Popculture, Television | Tags: awards, celebrities, liquor, Movies, TV

Ahh, the Golden Globes. Opening day in a month-long masturbatory spectacular that Hollywood feels it deserves regardless of the actual quality of product it delivers every year. I’m going to be honest, I haven’t seen any of the high art movies this year, mostly because I am unemployed and waiting for a day I can devote solely to theater-hopping, but apparently, from last night’s results, this year is all about Bollywood and Kate Winslet. And TV I actually like.
Let’s start with Kate Winslet. I will admit that she is one of the high-octane actresses I pity. It’s hard to pity any of them, when they have stretched and sanded skin and bone structures a cat could envy, but I do manage to find a little sympathy for the underrated. I hated Titanic, but felt kind of bad when Helen Hunt won the Oscar for Best Actress over her. (Whatever happened to her, anyway?) And since then, she’s pretty much been on a roll. She’s one of the few actresses who manages to play more than one role (I’m lookin’ at you, Cameron), and both Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Little Children would have suffered without her. So sure. Give her an award. Hell, give her two, why not? Also, I will forever admire her for admitting how ultimately forgettable Angelina Jolie is. But Angelina seemed too cranked to mind anyway, so everyone wins.
Next, Bollywood. Or Mumbai. Yes, I am an ethno-centric American who hasn’t seen Slumdog Millionaire. My only familiarity with it, in fact, is that it was directed by the same guy who gratiously revealed Cillian Murphy’s junk to the world in 28 Days Later. So obviously, I’m already a fan of this guy. I never thought Who Wants to Be a Millionaire would be relevant again once Meredith Viera ushered it into syndication. I was wrong.
Finally, TV. I love 30 Rock. I love Mad Men. I love award shows that Tina Fey attends because her acceptance speeches always bring a sparkle to my day. Imagine my disappointment when she let a perpetually drunk Tracy Morgan deliver it instead. To be fair, I’ve been waiting for someone to call out Cate Blanchette’s obvious racism. That Aryan bitch. This means, however, that I’m forced to be glad that she won Best Actress in a Comedy Series just so I could hear her snap, crackle, and pop. And what did she do? Told a bunch of stupid internet trolls to “Suck it.” Damnit, Tina, even though they undoubtedly used language like “TINA FAY SUX 4EVER” and “I CULD RIGHT BETTER THEN THIS BICH,” you’ve got to keep the quality of your snark high. If you sink to their level, you’re only letting them win.
Like any awards show, it was about 90% boring, 5% heart-wrenching, and 5% infuriating. Why the hell didn’t Jon Hamm win for Mad Men? I guess because he’s so damn good-looking he doesn’t really have to do anything except brood, furrow his eyebrows, and suck suggestively on cigarettes. All right, so maybe 3% infuriating and 2% awe-inspiring. Why did it appear like the celebrities weren’t eating anything? Are they like vampires, who maintain the illusion of humanity with empty plates and dishes? I did see some wine and Voss bottles. Apparently they all maintain those skeletal frames through a carefully designed liquid diet. Liquor, water, and the blood of virgins. Take note, American youth.
Filed under: Celebrity News, Television | Tags: Bravo, Dallas Austin, Kim, Nene Leakes, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Sheree
I am ashamed that I am about to post ANOTHER entry regarding “the Real Housewives of Atlanta” but since last time I have had a change of heart. I can’t allow people to associate me with some of the things I wrote (because you are always thinking of my opinions on Bravo shows) so I thought, with the season ending, now would be a good time to revisit and retract some things.
Am I still Team Nene? You betcha. Nene had my heart from day one. Nene kept it real. Sure she talked shit on people, especially when drinking, but she didn’t make excuses and she didn’t back down. Was she trying to launch a ridiculous singing career? No. Was she pretending to be a fashion designer? No. She was just chillin, being Nene. And you know what? It works for her. (A bra might also work for her, but that’s a different story.)
Nene has her faults of course. When she was trying to be supportive of Kim’s music, she sang that “Tardy to the Party” song way too much. She could be a tad embarrassing when drunk, as we all saw by the look that was all over her husband, Gregg’s, face. And while Nene’s charity, Twisted Hearts, was a great charity, the big hat idea left her looking not too far off from Dumb Donald from “Fat Albert.”
Am I still Team Kim? Oh haillllll no. I knew from day one that Kim had a weave on her head and Botox in her face but I thought her lies were all physical. I didn’t realize that “Big Poppa” aka her main man, was a married man. I also didn’t realize that she was going around saying she was 29. If she’s 29 then I’m five. There is no way that woman is younger than 35. You know what, I’m feeling generous; I’ll even give her 30. But in your twenties? YOU WISH.
Moving on to Kim’s singing career… where to begin… where to begin? Oh, let’s start with YOU CAN’T SING. Why is it that rich people NEED to just put out an album just because they have money burning a hole in their pocket? Attention Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Heidi Montag and Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta: YOU CAN’T SING. You need to be able to sing to launch a singing career! Dallas Austin and Scott Storch can only do so much. I will say though a highlight of this season was when the singing coach said to Kim, “you don’t really know what you’re doing.” Thank you!
Kim likes to say how beautiful she and Sheree are. She even goes so far in one episode to call her beauty a burden. After that quote, I sort of understood what Kim meant because her existence had become quite the burden on me.

Luckily for all of us, Nene has a fine replacement for Kim. His name is Dwight and he has the most beautiful feet ever (and they are NOT a burden to him.) He also will reveal the secret to his radiance, unlike Kim whose secret is so obviously a weave and Restalin, which is to have sex 3 times a day. Beauty isn’t a burden for Dwight but back problems may be.
Will there be a second season? I’m not certain. But Bravo will deliver us an explosive reunion episode where even “Chinese-Black” Lisa will chime in and threaten to “flip Kim over the table.” *Hope Hope.* And of course we have Kim’s album to look forward to. Oh except for the fact that Dallas Austin’s blog says he is in NO WAY producing it. Hmmm… where can I download that “Tardy in the Party” joint to hold me over?
Filed under: Celebrity News, Popculture, Random Shit, Style, Television | Tags: boohbah, Fashion, pierre cardin
I don’t know much about fashion, well, I really don’t know anything about fashion; but I do know what a steaming pile of shit looks like.
Pierre Cardin, a French designer, who before today I have never heard of, revealed his new “ready-to-wear” collection yesterday. Now, when I read “ready-to-wear” I assume that the piece of clothing in question isn’t some haute couture dress you would only see on the runway, but something you would be able to buy at a boutique and go out in.
So explain this. No, seriously, I’m waiting. Do you know what I see when I look at this shit? Pierre Cardin is a big Boohbah fan. You know the Teletubbies’ ugly stepsister the Boohbahs? Probably not; the best way to explain these bizarre creatures is to close your eyes and imagine giant colored testicles that float in the air, and somehow produce queefing noises as they flutter through their magical atmosphere. All the while their tiny human faces are wrapped up by layers of crumpled foreskin.
This is Jumbah, the blue Boohbah. Look familiar? It should, as it’s the same fucking thing Pierre Cardin “designed.” Now maybe I’m missing something, but does a woman really want to look like a giant queefing testicle with foreskin around her delicate features? I’m sure there’s a niche market out there somewhere for deranged fetishists, but is this shit really considered “ready-to-wear”?
Pierre Cardin doesn’t stop there, he has a lot more stupid shit to bring you, and it comes with even more blatant hijacking of pop culture. Now you might be thinking, oh he’s going to make some joke about Ms. Pacman getting her period here, but you would be wrong; that would totally be funny though so I’ll save that for later. Not many people are as well versed in early 90′s mascots as I am, so I don’t blame you if you didn’t recognize this one, but it’s without a doubt Cool Spot, the now defunct 7 Up mascot. Most people don’t remember the poor guy, he was a symptom of the “cool” and “rad” phase advertisers went after Sonic the Hedgehog became such a hit.
And truly rad he was. Cool Spot was one of my heroes growing up, along with Chester Cheetah and the aforementioned Sonic. He had the awesome sunglasses, the kickass white gloves, and the awesome “I don’t give a fuck,” take charge, get laid tons by other anthropomorphic dot logos personality that I idolized. Now seriously, look at these two images, is there any fucking difference minus the gloves? They even wear the same leggings as each other, move over Lindsay, Cool Spot was the O.G. of that shit.
There’s so much more to say and show, but formatting this shit is a bitch, so I’ll make it quick.
We have the first model in a dress that looks like Cardin raided his local Gymboree, took their collapsible kiddie tunnel and spray painted it gold. I wonder if any of the kids at the show were tempted to crawl up inside the model’s uterus, that dress is pretty much an open invitation to anything motoring on all fours.
The second model seems to be stuck in her sleeping bag. Who knew awkward mornings and nights out camping were high fashion?
The third model.. Well, that’s what happens when a shark rapes the “dress” the second model is wearing.
Sources: Agenies, Valery Hache
If you’re interested you can check out more of this line here, included are an homage to Sally Field’s The Flying Nun and the terrible afters of someone who was given gastric bypass, with incredibly large amounts of sagging skin under the arms.
So, guess what guys? 2008 has taken yet another great talent from the world!!! WAY TO GO, 2008! This time, it’s Paul Newman (courtesy of cancer). This baby blue-eyed vintage sex-symbol was — and will always remain — a film icon, and if you’re completely unfamiliar with his work and only know him as the face of salad dressing, then allow my B.A. in Film Studies school your salad dressing eating-under-a-rock ass on the must-see Paul Newman movies:
- Cool Hand Luke (1967)
- Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958) Liz Taylor is in this one, too — Please 2008, don’t take her, also.
- The Hustler (1961)
- The Color of Money (1986)
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
- The Sting (1973)
- Road to Perdition (2002)
- And for the kiddies, he was one of the voices in Cars (2006)
And if that’s not enough, check out his IMDB page for an array of other films that he has starred in, directed, written, produced, been thanked on… THE MAN WAS A FRIGGIN’ LEGEND, PEOPLE!
Paul Newman
1925 – 2008
Rest In Peace
I will have a salad in his memory today… What? Too soon? But I’m on a diet! Okay, I’ll shut up now.
Become a SNARKOTIC fan on 








