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Melrose Place 2009 Stands in the Shadow of the Original by kanev

When I was 10 years old I used to sneak into my parent’s bedroom every Monday night at 10 pm and watch “Melrose Place.” My mom didn’t want me watching it for every reason that I wanted to watch it: sex, liars, hot older men and adultery galore. Back when I was 10 years old, the original cast did not include Sydney, Kimberly, or Amanda and Michael Mancini was a good husband. By the time I was 12 half of those people had faked their own deaths and had all slept with Michael. So when 17 years later the CW announces that they are bringing back “Melrose Place” I have to watch, right?

So many questions filled my head. Will there still be a sassy opening that lists the cast in alphabetical order? Will the music get rougher when the bad boy comes on like it did for the brooding Grant Show? Will some one capture my heart the way Billy (Andrew Shu) once did? Will the first episode feature a ridiculous amount of the song “Keep on Walkin” by Cece Peniston (anyone remember season 1 cast member Rhonda using the song in her aerobics class every week?) And finally I asked myself… really CW? Ashlee Simpson?? Really???

Oh you heard me correctly. Former blonde/brunette and permanent shadow stander, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz (or is it Wentz-Simpson?) stars as Violet, a sweet and innocent newcomer to Melrose Place. After a couple of minutes of her looking like she’s trying to remember her lines and staring into the camera, it becomes clear that this is no Courtney Thorn-Smith (pre- “According to Jim” of course.) Luckily, Ashlee doesn’t get camera time until the other cast members establish their roles, which is actually good because she seems to mess up the flow of every scene she’s in. And if you think I’m just being hard on her because she’s the only one with some fame pre-Melrose then you’re right. I want to see her flex the acting chops she flexed when she was a judge on “Say-What Karaoke.” I know you got it in you girl!

After a few episodes, I began to feel that the couple of Riley and Jonah (played by Jessica Lucas and Michael Rady) are a cross between the original Jane and Michael and Allison and Billy. Jonah is reminiscent of Billy in both personality and physical similarities, but is loyal the way Michael was in season 1. Jessica is relationship-phobic the way Allison once was and pretty the way Jane always was (even though they do not look alike at all, they are both beautiful girls.) I think Ella (played by Katie Cassidy) is supposed to be a weak attempt at creating an Amanda-esk character. Career oriented and a blonde bombshell but Heather Locklear, she is not. Instead, Ella comes off as annoying, demanding and slightly pathetic. There are a few worthless characters like Lauren Yung (a wanna be doctor who whore’s herself out in the first episode… literally) and Auggie Kirkpatrick (a recovering alcoholic turned chef) but there is a character with a slight twist and that is David Breck (played by Shaun Sipos.)

David Breck is a character scorned, he’s no brooding bad boy Jake, don’t misunderstand but he is slightly interesting. He’s angry and scorned by his father, Doctor Michael Mancini… dun dun dun! That’s right folks, the original Michael is back on the show. Michael and David don’t have a great relationship which would be interesting but unfortunately for this show, they don’t have a great story line either. They have both slept with Sydney (yup, THAT Sydney) and now Sydney is dead (AGAIN!) They have anger issues, abandonment issues, money issues- and yet some how it all plays out very dull on TV. I want to be interested in David and Michael’s battle but alas, I am as bored by that story line as I am by Ashlee Simpson’s music career.  

Seventeen years ago Melrose Place was edgy. Things were happening on that show that people had never seen before on television. Television was filled with “Blossom” and “the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and Melrose brought shock value to prime time. Being sexy and edgy these days is a lot tougher. Sex isn’t taboo anymore and 10 year olds aren’t as easily drawn in. Melrose Place 2009 will have to spice things up and try something new in order to get people’s attention. It will need a super villain like Amanda, a good guy like Billy and a brooding rebel like Jake. As it stands right now, even my 10 year old self would be bored with this new Melrose Place.

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